a year ago........

Mom & my brother & his wife 2 years ago

It was a year ago....

i know i felt real sad today..

no apparent reason..the house was full...people were in and out...my children were on the phone...

but i felt so sad..really blue..

wow..am i depressed?

then i thought...and thought..

and cried...

and realized..

it was a year ago..this weekend....

i had just gotten home from overseas...and just felt in my gut i needed to get home...

so i got back earlier than i planned and sure enough..my mom had been in an accident...and she was injured...and wasn't doing well..she felt stupid...felt at a loss..couldnt see as well..and was ...welll...scared....so i called my brother...and he came out...and we took her to a independant living home. and we left her there. well we hardly "left" her...we stayed with her 24/7 for quite a few weeks, but you get the message..we put her in the independent living facility and mom WAS NOT HAPPY.. she used to say..i am living in hell...

she was mad..

not happy that she was not independent...but she was close to death and her heart was not working..her food intake was horrible..she was NOT taking care of herself...so we did it..

my brother left..and i felt HORRIBLE ..i cried day and night and brought out each of my kids to see her ...to stay with her..to have all of us hang around her...went to every meal...volunteered...you name it...

and you know what?? she began to accept it..slowly and stubbornly...

and finally i said..mom..do you want to go home? i can carpet the house, get someone in to cook for you...but you can go back..you are much better now..and she said...no..i think this is good for me...

at the end she accepted it..

but it was so so hard.

and my brother left. 

and didnt come back to visit for 6 months (um...thanks)

the photo is from her 90th birthday party..that was 2 years ago.

she began to give up after that..she wanted to be with daddy.

i know last year we hurt her a year ago....she was hurt and..mad...

but i know it was the nicest year we had...we had almost every day together...

moments we wouldnt have had...if she had gotten in that car accident and didnt survive.

it was so hard a year ago...but i am so grateful for that year...

mom...i miss you so much

catherine