Its Valentines Day............

I have read that when you loose someone close to you..that after a while, you need to take time from each day to grieve. You have to go on thru your ordinary life..but you must take time to grieve..or it creeps up on you at the most unexpected times..

2 days ago it was my dad's birthday...he was born on Abraham Lincolns birthday..and would have been 93 if he would have lived. I know several people who are 93, and wonder why my dad had to die at 85...yet..i know he died well......i miss my dad...and as i thought of him...i was glad he and mom were together...

Today is valentines day...the other day...

i found a HUGE box of Valentines of moms...from when she was a little girl..way back to the 1920s..

beautiful old valentines...and loads of them...from her dad, her mom, her friends...these cards were precious to her...

my husband told me to sell them on ebay....uh...no....

my dad used to make us cards for valentines day..he would draw pictures and get us chocolate..and his cards were the best...i have loads of hand made cards from my dad thru the years...

and then there is my mom...all the years of valentines cards that I got from her. she always gave cards to all the grand kids..and whoever else was living in our house at that moment. (we always have people living in our home) and of course she always tucked in a 5 or $10 bill. and for ed and me it was always $20.

i dont really remember last valentines day..did i take her out?? probably..i really dont remember..i always took my mom out...so probably..she was just always there...and even though i knew she was aging...and tired most of the time...and that she had congestive heart failure, it just never occured to me that she would die..i mean i knew it...i just didnt KNOW it..i dont care how prepared you are for the death of a parent ..you are never really prepared at all.

so i dont remember last valentines day..if i made it special...or if it was who we were together that was special..mom and me this past year...we had alot of time together...

this week, i had to get all her papers to the accountant..call my brother (executer) get him to get involved..i was overwhelmed..sad...and then i watched movies..too many of them...and tv shows...and more movies...and finally remembered i need a place..a place for my grief..so that i can get thru the everyday..and have a normal life....while i get thru the grief...

i havent been writing on this...and i need to..............

today, on this valentines day, my hubby gave me a beautiful card ...when you open it, it played a recording  he made..and then a song..so i heard hubbys  voice..and cried....cried because it was so sweet....cried because i knew how precious this card would be one day...to whoever is left when we are gone...cried because life is short...and cried because i miss my mom.........this has been such a hard year....

happy valentines day, mommy..you were my first love

catherine