Tomorrow it will be 4months since my mom died.In some ways, I am ok...going thru her stuff...sorting things out..putting things away.
Sometimes, I feel like I am ignoring it..trying to get going on other things...but at other moments...I am keenly aware of loosing my mother.
The end of her life was a lonely time for her. She missed my dad ...and she missed my daughters who had all moved away. She had me, but I think that she felt that I had my hubby. Sometimes I dont think she felt as needed.
Sometimes I think she just felt like she was done and had accomplished all she was supposed to.
Sometimes I think she was just tired and ready to be with my dad.
Going thru her things, there are so many times that I wish I let her know more how much she meant to me.....yet, I know I did, and I know she knew......but there are so many regrets when it comes to death.. I fight them all the time...she was such a part of my life...that I know i took so much for granted....I guess the real reason behind all the regret is that I just miss her so much....
This week was a hard one for my husband. He had to go thru all sorts of tests, found a melanoma on his back, had it removed, had heart tests, blood tests...all of that.
He is fine...thankfully...but it did make me think...was I loving him enough especially now, while I am in this time period. I am sure I have totatlly taken him for granted too...
I guess that is all apart of life...expecting those we love to always be there..to always understand....but we need to remember...that they will not always be there..
I went out with my uncle and aunt last week. my dads brother. it was really special. They had been married 25 years...they were married late in life and my uncle is turning 80 this year. my dad died when he was 85...so I know my uncle is counting his days...
We talked about and remembered all the family reunions....all the family moments...those days are long gone....many of those relatives are gone now...there were tears while we were together...
my uncle said..it is up to you now...to make your family strong....to create your own family memories...
I miss my mom...and I miss all those moments that I took for granted...i just miss having a mommy
catherine
